One of the challenging parts of leaving your 20s behind is making new friends and staying in touch with your old friends. I think it is a good indicator of your strength in friendships when you are able to re-connect with a friend from 10 or 15 years ago, and it is almost as if you had never had the time apart.
I have a hard time dealing with the guilt that comes in between those meetings. We all get busy and even in the days of cell phones and email, it is so easy for three or four months to go by and you haven't caught up with one of your best friends. When you are married, it is lovely to spend all your free time with the one you love, and more difficult to make plans. Also, when one spends 90% of the day on the phone, sometimes it is challenging to get on the phone again, even though it is always enjoyable to have that "catch up" conversation.
Recently, one of my friends had a major life transition, and I find out about it through his Facebook post. This friend is leaving the city where he has lived for ten years and moving to VA. No mention of the significant other. I was so disappointed with myself that I was out of the loop about all these changes in his life. What kind of a friend am I that I wasn't there to support him through such a difficult time? The truth is that if I was going through a similar change, I wouldn't have expected him to be there for me either, but it is still disheartening that we lost that closeness.
I guess the new chapter in friendships is that you do your best to keep in touch, and when you can be there for your friends -- new and old, you are there and you put value in that time.
New friendships are exciting too, but harder to come by. In college your friends practically fall in your lap through classes, dorms and even bars. All you have is free to time grab a coffee or a smoke with someone to establish a new relationship. When you are working and married, that is a bit harder to do, but I certainly do miss that spontaneity.
In a week a few of my friends -- new and old are gathering to celebrate my birthday. It will be great for some of them to meet each other, and I am doing my best to value the time we spend together.
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I think friendships hit their peak of difficulty when you have young children and are working. Those were some rough years. Couldn't maintain the friends I had (well, most of them), didn't have time to make new.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it was pretty easy to make friends when Avery started pre-k. Sure, I 'get together' with my friends as we wait for gymnastics or t-ball to get over, but that ease of friendships is returning.
Happy Birthday!
Jill (Whyde) Gibson
You are so right! I should take advantage of my free time now while I am foot loose and fancy free.
ReplyDeleteYou did a fabulous job of spending time with all the cool people in your life at the party. Hope the fun continues through the actual b-day! When and where should we meet up?
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